Aesop, the skincare brand that originated in Melbourne, Australia in 1987 is internationally recognised for its signature stores which are located throughout Australia, New York, Paris and Hong Kong but it is the Parsley Seed Cleansing Masque that makes this brand particularly attractive to the modern gay man.

Although each of its 60 plus stores is a uniquely designed architectural masterpiece the success of the brand is based on the products sold within these temples of beauty. In particular, the Parsley Seed Cleansing Masque is the perfect antidote to a big weekend of drinking and partying or a particularly tiring week in the office. The clay-based masque deeply cleanses and refreshes the face, leaving the skin feeling softened, tightened and revitalised.

To view the full range of products available from Aesop or to order online, click here.

It may not actually be Friday but that’s no excuse not to start the week on a positive note with the charming sounds of “The Kin” and their single “Get On It”. Brothers Isaac and Thorald along with drummer/percussionist Shakerleg make up the three-piece band who are based in New York City but are currently supporting Pink on her Australian tour.

Enjoy while: getting dressed first thing in the morning to put you in an inspired and uplifted mood for the rest of the day.

Interesting fact: The Kin conduct “musical robberies” whereby they storm restaurants and bars and spontaneously begin playing their music.

“God” is a difficult and heated topic, one which I try to avoid. Everyone has their own understanding of what God is and if God ‘is’ at all and when these understandings conflict, intense debate often erupts.

For many gay men, particularly those who come from families who prescribe to a traditional religious persuasion, God is a concern that they cannot avoid. Rationalising one’s sexuality within the context of religion and what is wrong or right in God’s eye is an inevitable part of coming to terms with homosexuality for these men.

Coming from a home and educational system that was based on a Judeo-Christian belief of God, I was one such man. Although my view of God differs slightly today, the following is the rationalisation of my homosexuality from a religious perspective.

I was taught that we are all created in the image of God and that we are all God’s children. If you believe this then you cannot deny that gay men and women were created thusly so, by God, in his image. Denying gay men and women is directly denying God. Furthermore, God is perfect and therefore does not make mistakes. When God created gay men and women, it was no mistake. Denying gay men and women is therefore denying that God is perfect. God exists within all of humanity and therefore we each possess the same, identical Godliness within us. Denying gay men and women is denying the God that exists within you, the one God that exists in everything.

Obviously there will be religious people who believe that homosexuality is a choice and that the above rationale is therefore flawed but it’s futile to try convince them otherwise. Anyone who is gay, knows in their heart that their homosexuality was not a choice and that they were born that way either by divine purpose or through nature.

It is not our duty to try persuade our religious parents, teachers or friends to think differently but it is my belief, influenced by these parents, teachers and friends, that God loves ALL of his children and that’s all that matters to me.

Image Credit: David LaChapelle for Flaunt Magazine

We are surrounded by false idols who we unwittingly worship but at what cost?

False idols give us nothing in return for the attention and praise that we give them. They present themselves to the world and tell us that they must be worshipped without considering what they really have to offer or what their followers really want. False idols do not engage with their followers. They yearn to be seen as different, elevated, better and divine. They are disconnected from the rest of us. It is only through this disconnection that their false sense of power exists.

False idols are committed to superficial pursuits and are driven by their egos. They appeal to the negative qualities inside of us such as greed, envy, vanity and feelings that we are not enough. It’s easy for us to be tempted by false idols, because much like the golden calf of the bible, they appear shiney and beautiful which is attractive to the superficial and egoic mind. The superficial mind however is never fulfilled hence why we continually partake in pointless worship.

When we worship false idols, we are left feeling empty, demoralised and worthless.

On the other hand there are role models. Role models contribute to our lives, they inspire us to be better, motivate us to improve and engage in two-way communication with the world. We learn from role models.. Role models appeal to our soul needs and although our soul needs are sometimes muffled by the noises of the superficial mind, they are much healthier and positive and when met lead to true fullfilment. You’ll know when your soul needs are satisfied because you’ll feel uplifted, loved and joyous.

Who are these false idols? They are reality TV stars (and their families), half-naked “Insta-celebrities”, social climbers, the “popular” group at school and anyone else who is worshiped based on superficial qualities.

The choice is yours who to praise but my advice to you is that if you’re not left feeling uplifted by the people who you worship then perhaps it’s time to shift your attention from false idols to role models.

Image Credit: Steven Klein, “Valley of the Dolls”

Schon! Magazine continues to deliver creative and inspiring men’s fashion editorials. This shoot features some of the best menswear labels including Givenchy, Dior Homme, Kris Van Assche and Maison Martin Margiela. Photographer Franck Glenisson, captures model Clement Barreda, in a series of energetic images that showcase tailored pieces that have been uniquely styled to create a sporty yet sophisticated look.

To read Schon! Magazine online click here.

Gay-themed music videos are not a new phenomenon. From The Village People to Queen, music artists have been “camping” up their clips for decades. What has changed though is the meaning behind the songs behind the videos which are now using the platform to promote social change, recount stories of same-sex relationships and encourage self-love. While it would be easy to compile a list consisting of Katy Perry, Madonna, Kylie Minogue or Lady Gaga, here is The Top 5 Modern Gay Videos as compiled by The Modern Gay:

5. Christina Aguilera – Beautiful

The year was 2004, Carson Kressley was the best looking gay on television and I was a teenager who had never seen two men passionately kiss on commercial television. That is until Christina Aguilera released her power ballad “Beautiful” which caused a stir with its accompanying music video that depicted two young men kissing on a bench.

4. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis – Same Love

Rap music is not traditionally known for its support of gay issues which is why Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’ summer hit “Same Love” turned the genre on its head. The political protest was a Top 10 hit and beautifully demonstrated how music can reflect social issues of the time.

3. Eli Lieb – Young Love

While other good looking gay artists with guitars have recently released songs about their same-sex attraction, Eli Lieb has managed to create a music video that keeps it sweet and innocent, creating an honest video for a beautiful song that doesn’t come across as shameless self-promotion.

2. Ivri Lider – Bo (Let’s)

Openly gay Israeli singer Ivri Lider released his version of Rita’s “Bo (Let’s)” as the title track for the 2002 gay-themed movie “Yossi and Jagger”.  The music video is a montage of scenes from the Hebrew language movie that follows the relationship of two gay soldiers posted on the Israel-Lebanon border.

1. Cosmo Jarvis – Gay Pirates

Although straight, UK singer Cosmo Jarvis’ 2010 single “Gay Pirates” is about two pirates who happen to be in love with each other. In the music video, which Jarvis directed and starred in, the pirates are tortured by their fellow crewmen and finally sentenced to death.  When asked in an interview by AfterElton where a straight man comes up with the idea of a song about gay pirates, Jarvis responded

“So if one in ten guys today is gay, then one in ten guys back then must have been gay, so I was just thinking there must have been gay pirates, although pirates were very tolerant toward homosexuals for the most part. But if you did end up on a boat in the middle of the ocean and you can’t run anywhere and everybody is totally against the idea of you having a partner on the boat, I felt that it was the worst thing that could happen to somebody who was gay”.

And here’s an extra video just for the fun of it…

J-Pee – I’m Not Gay

If you have any suggestions for songs that were not on the list, make sure to post a link in the Comments section.

Nobody said that being gay is easy. You are constantly confronted by people who tell you that what you are doing is wrong, sinful, immoral and disgusting. You may have faced rejection from people important to you and all because of something that you had no control over. And yet you are still here.

You are much braver than you think.

Before you’ve even had the chance to “come out” you had to confront those daunting feelings inside of yourself.  The feelings of confusion, isolation and shame. You had to ask yourself “Am I normal?”. That took a lot of bravery.  As you grew older you may have been picked-on or bullied because other kids could tell that you were different.  It took inner strength to shield yourself from the taunting and to recover from the physical abuse.

Once you decided to share your feelings with another person you had to find the coverage to expose yourself, to be absolutely vulnerable without certainty of how they would react. That took courage that heterosexual people will never understand.  You then had to deal with the consequences of your coming out. This may have meant rejection from family, losing friends or being shunned by your community. That too, called for immense inner courage. And all the while you had to forge your own path with little empathy, guidance or direction from anyone else.

With all of the other crap that you have to deal, it’s important that you pause for a moment and realise the bravery and courage that you possess to have made it to this point. You are much braver than you think.

Image by: Jean-Francois Carly

The word “tattoo” is derived from the Polynesian word “tatau”. The practice was first documented by Captain James Cook in the 18th century while exploring Tahiti and New Zealand.  Sailors on later voyages introduced the practice to Europe and as they say, the rest is history. Nowadays tattooing has become a form of personal expression that has permeated its way into mainstream culture. Once seen as rebellious and extreme and confined to the fringes of society, tattoos can now be found on people from all works of life.

As an ode to the humble tattoo, please enjoy these modest pictures of English model Stephen James.

He’s been called Hollywood’s gayest straight man but I prefer to refer to him as  ”James Franco – my future husband”. No other straight actor in my opinion has been brave enough to take on the style of roles that have defined James Franco’s career. From Milk to indie-film Interior.Leather Bar., Franco has exceeded the necessary quota of one gay film required by straight actors to be considered for an Oscar nomination. This has led to persistent rumours about his sexuality.

When asked by Entertainment Weekly why he’s drawn to gay roles, Franco responded ”Part of what I’m interested in is how these people who were living anti-normative lifestyles contended with opposition. Or, you know what, maybe I’m just gay.”

Born April 19, 1978 in Palo Alto, California Franco’s big break came when he was cast in the short-lived cult classic TV show Freaks and Geeks. In 2001 Franco played the role of James Dean in a television biographical film for which he received a Golden Globe Award and in 2010 starred in 127 Hours for which he was nominated for an Academy Award. Beyond acting, Franco is a published author, PhD candidate at Yale, teacher at UCLA, all-round mega babe, who’s appeared in drag and is open about his love of masturbation and weed.

At just over a minute in length, the below video is perhaps James Franco’s finest work (and it’s much hotter than any other porno featuring straight guy-on-guy action).

If you thought that coming was a one time event, you were wrong. We are consistently required to enter and exit the metaphorical closet.

Two recent events reminded me that when it comes to letting the world know that you’re gay, you’re never truly “out”. The first incident was during a university lecture on E-Commerce. The lecturer was discussing self published websites and asked for all those in the audience who had their own blog to raise their hands. A small number of people responded including myself.  The lecturer managed to lock eyes with me even though I was seated in the far back.

“Tell us about your blog” he instructed.  Now, I’m sure avid readers have realised from previous posts that I’m very open about my sexuality but when it came to describing the nature of my “gay blog” to 200 complete strangers, I was reluctant.

“It’s about being a 20-something in the modern world” I sheepishly replied.  At the time, I didn’t feel that it was appropriate for me to come out to a theatre full of people that I didn’t know so I omitted the most important characteristic of my blog so as not to reveal my sexuality.

The second incident was one that occurs on a recurring basis. I was seated next to an older gentleman at a work dinner a few months ago. Our conversation was brilliant as we transversed topics such as sports, politics and food. It was sometime during dessert when he brought up the topic of marriage and how his daughter (who just so happens to be in my E-Commerce class) was recently engaged to her long-time boyfriend. ”Have you got a wife or a girlfriend?” he questioned.

“I’m single” I responded.

“What do you think about marriage” he asked, “is it on the cards in the future?”.

At that moment I could have easily begun my political rant about gay marriage and how although I would like to be married one day, as a gay man it is currently illegal in Australia. But I didn’t. Again, I did not feel that the situation called for my coming out.

“One day, I hope” I said and proceeded to change the topic back to a more neutral category.

Gay men face situations like these on a daily basis whether it be at university, family functions, starting a new job, making new friends or any moment when you’re introduced to someone unfamiliar. Society continues to presume that we all subscribe to the heteronormative  roles that we’ve been unwittingly assigned and chances are that these views aren’t going to change drastically anytime soon. This means that we will constantly be placed in situations where we will need to choose how much of ourselves we reveal to others.

Sexuality is a private matter and I don’t believe it’s always necessary or even appropriate to reveal to everyone you meet that you are gay. Although I believe that gay pride is crucial to ensuring self-esteem, it’s important to realise that not every situation calls for a dramatic Jack McFarland entrance. Of course we must speak-up if we witness homophobic behaviour in our immediate environment and I believe that this particular situation calls for a degree of bravery that we may be unprepared for.  Generally speaking though we should feel comfortable with whom we decide to share our sexual identity before we reveal ourselves.

While I honestly believe that we should always be true to ourselves, we must be prepared that our coming out did not end after we took those first steps out of the closet and it is our ongoing decision who we tell that we’re gay and who we don’t.

Image by Kwannam Chu

There’s an area of same-sex marriage equality that we’ve neglected to consider.

We’ve been fighting so hard to have our rights recognised that we’ve overlooked an important element of the same-sex marriage process. We’ve been too focused on the immediate goal of equality that we haven’t thought about what comes next. There’s a question that until now we have not dared ask ourselves.

“Where do I find gay wedding cards?”.

Luckily, Emily Belden has come up with the solution in the form of HappyHappyGayGay.com, an online greeting card store. The US$5  cards are written and designed by Emily to celebrate same­-sex love, marriage, enGAYgements, and other milestones while a portion of each card sale goes to LGBTQ organisation The Trevor Project.

I’ve resisted posting any music by Kylie Minogue because that would be far too cliched. The problem is that I love Kylie. I do. I really do. And I’m currently fixed on her latest single “Skirt (Switch Remix)” which is her first since signing with Jay Z’s record company Roc Nation.

The song was produced by Nom De Strip, aka Chris Elliott, and is co-written with The Dream who have penned hits for Beyonce and Rihanna.

Sounds Like:  Sexy Kylie candy for the ears

Enjoy while: Slowly undressing.

“The most certain test by which we judge whether a country is really free is the amount of security enjoyed by minorities”

Lord (John Emerich Edward Dalberg) Acton, The History of Freedom in Antiquity, 1877

This post is not a political critique (although the above image would suggest otherwise) nor is it a call to boycott Russian products. Both those things have been addressed by people more powerful and smarter than myself. The purpose of this post is simply to draw attention to the good fortune that many of us take for granted. While our gay brothers and sisters in Russia have their rights stripped away, we in America, Australia, Canada, the UK and countless other countries have the freedom and security to demand even more rights. We take to the streets in large numbers, rainbow flags held high without the fear that we’ll be beaten by our own police or tortured by our fellow citizens. Our governments allow us the freedom to fight for equality even if they’re slow to respond. This isn’t the case for everyone.

While it may sometimes seem impossible to change the world, we do have the power to change how we personally view the world. Let the situation in Russia allow you to see the blessings in your own life. When you look at the bigger picture, the little things that seem to worry you the most fade into insignifcance. Money, cars, clothes, gym, parties, holidays – these things don’t matter to someone whose basic human rights are in jeopardy. Next time you’re at a gay venue, with your gay friends or holding hands with your boyfriend, take a moment to realise that those simple actions aren’t afforded to all men.

We also forget that the privileges and rights that we take for granted are often awarded to us by factors completely out of our control. I’ve often struggled with my life circumstances. I was born a healthy (white) baby into a well-off family, given the best education, had all my needs met, within a society that allowed me to express myself and I had absolutely no say in the process. Why’s that a struggle? I could have just as easily been born into poverty and ended up as one of the almost 1 billion starving people in the world, fighting to survive each day. By fate, or God’s will or the universe’s intention I was dealt the luckiest hand of cards before I even began playing the game of life.

It sometimes take external events like the current situation in Russia to make us realise the blessings we have in our own lives. Take a moment to reflect on what’s really important and perhaps you’ll realise that you are a lot more fortunate than you think.

The beard has made a comeback. Once only found on the faces of bears, cubs and Santa Claus, facial hair has now become the must have accessory for all fashionable men. Whether it’s a moustache, a 5 O’Clock shadow, or lamb chops, there’s a plethora of styles from which the discerning man can choose (given that he’s hit puberty and has the ability to grow facial hair). Recently adopted by hipsters from Brooklyn to Bondi and any band that features the banjo, facial hair is the cheaper male equivalent of going to the salon to have your hair coloured.

British model Declan-John Geraghty ticks all the hipster boxes in these shots by Dimitris Theocharis:

British ✓

Tattoos ✓

Hairy, toned body ✓

Shaved head with high hair ✓

Beard AND moustache ✓ 

It’s hard to find “the one” when there are so many choices.

There’s a marketing theory that suggests that when we’re given too many choices we experience anxiety and buyers regret. This is called the “Paradox of Choice” whereby more choices leads to less happiness. One would think that the opposite is true, that the more choices we have the happier we will feel but this is not the case.

Lets look at an example. You’re in a restaurant with a friend and there is a huge selection of dishes on the menu. You see many different options that look appealing and finally after much deliberation you make your selection. Your friend chooses the schnitzel while you choose the steak. When your food arrives you instantly feel that you may have made the wrong decision. You look around at all the other tables and see the variation of delicious meals being consumed by patrons seemingly more happy than yourself and  you regret your decision. As you bight into your steak, you wonder “what would life be like if I was eating schnitzel?”.

This theory is ever present in the modern world of gay dating. Through the power of Facebook, Instagram and Tumblr we are exposed to images of thousands of gorgeous men from all over the globe. From the beaches of Brazil to the clubs of Tel Aviv, the internet has created a virtual gay community comprising of men that we never would have known without physically visiting those cities. While its fun to perve on these guys from your phone or computer it has created the “the anxiety of choice” conundrum – more options equals higher regret. Being aware of all these men who appear to be better looking and having more fun than the men in our immediate communities has created this anxiety of choice.  The most troubling thing about this anxiety is that the choice is not real. In a restaurant you can choose your meal from a finite selection and that choice will be served to you. In the online world, chances are that you’ll never meet those men about who you fantasise and yet you compare your attainable options to those which are infinite and unattainable. You might even be waiting for Mr Right who’ll hopefully appear in the form of some American adonis with gorgeous friends or worse still, you might be in a relationship treading water, until something better comes along. Having too many choices, whether they be real or imagined is affecting the way we date.

Couple this with apps likes Grindr and Scruff and you have a selection of 200 men at your fingertips. These apps are supposed to help you find potential mates in your immediate area but when there are so many options, how do you know that you’re going to make the right choice? If you’re like me then you probably keep pressing ‘refresh’ hoping that someone even more exciting than the last will magically appear.

This technologically advanced world has brought the universe to our fingertips and created digital communities which have helped countless gay men seek advice, solace and information but it has also given us too many choices.  In this restaurant of life, with its countless dishes and delicious choices, I wonder if we’ll always keep looking around at what everyone else is eating and never be satisfied with whats on our own plates.

The Modern Gay Guide to Life is a finalist in the 2013 Blogster Awards. Please follow the below link and click the Facebook “Like” underneath the About section to help us win.

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When I was 14 my dad took me on a father and son snowboarding trip. The drive from my home to the mountains was over 7 hours and during that time our conversations touched on various topics. I had always had a great relationship with my parents and talked openly with my dad about sex, his sexual experiences and girls. We had never spoken about homosexuality; until that point I hadn’t considered that I might be gay. A few months before my 14th birthday I had started thinking about boys and an older kid at my school had asked me if I was gay. Not knowing what any of this really meant I decided to broach the topic with my dad during our extended car trip. I loved asking my dad questions about sex and dating and being a reformed playboy, he had a lot of tantalising stories to share.

“Dad, how do I know if I’m gay?” I curiously asked. Taken aback, he answered with a very involved and convoluted explanation, using analogies and metaphors that were somewhat confusing for a 14 year old to decipher. He finished his explanation with the statement “although I’ll be disappointed if you’re gay, I will always love and support you”.

I realised two things from our conversation 1. by my fathers explanation and reasoning, I was definitely not gay and 2. that if I ever was to be gay then I would be a disappointment to my father. The latter realisation was particularly troubling as I had always been taught that family was the most important thing and therefore disappointing the family was for me, an unimaginable act of disrespect.

Looking back on that formative conversation I’ve realised that my father was simply handling the situation in the best manner that he knew how. While his explanation would have been understood much better had he just said that being gay meant that a boy liked a boy in the same way that other boys likes girls, he was obviously trying to protect to me.

Although I’m fortunate to have parents who now support and love me regardless of my sexuality, I understand that other people have had much more trying experiences with their families. Whether your parents have dealt well with your coming out or have responded negatively, it’s important to understand that their response is based on their own experiences and their own capability to deal with the situation. Their opinions and values may be based on religious or cultural beliefs or they may not understand what it means to be gay. Whatever their response, one must realise that we cannot change the perspectives of others. What we can do is try empathise with them and see things from their perspective in the hope that they will learn to empathise with us too.

The thought of disappointing  my parents prevented me from coming out to them for much longer than I would have anticipated. When I realised what that disappointment actually meant, I found the confidence to finally tell them. They weren’t disappointed in me as a person, they were disappointed that the life that they had imagined for me wasn’t going to be, and that was OK. They were entitled to that disappointment and even then, those feelings were dealt with and forgotten faster than I anticipated. Once we come out, no matter how our family responds, we must give them space to come to terms with the situation. This may take days, months or even years.

Often I wondered, to the point of resentment why my parents had never asked me if I was gay. It would have been so much easier had they just approached me at 15 and asked me the question rather than waiting for me to come out. This resentment was intensified one evening at a restaurant when my dad pointed out to me a table of good looking men who were clearly gay and jokingly said “there’s some boys for you”. I responded with “if your gaydar is so good then how come you never asked me if I was gay”? to which he responded that he had always known but wasn’t sure how to approach the topic without upsetting me.

Obviously the past cannot be undone but I now see that my parents dealt with the situation the best way that they knew how and with that realisation comes a sense of peace.

Basketball is one of the few sports that has created distinct fashion pieces that are acceptable to be worn both on and off the court. From shoes to singlets to headbands, basketball fashion has inspired street-style which has been adopted by gay and straight men alike. The humble high-top, a favourite amongst gay boys trying to achieve that “straight” look, was first introduced to basketball courts in the ’80s as an athletic shoe before it made its way onto the streets.

In this shoot for Attitude Magazine, photographer Jeff Hahn captures the essence of sports style with a fashionable twist.

The Modern Gay was invited by Guess to attend their annual summer party and launch of the label’s summer collection. Held on Sydney harbour, guests were transported by boat to the Guess Island where shirtless male waiters served tropical inspired cocktails and a troupe of 22 Polynesian fire dancers and drummers provided unique entertainment. Did I mention that there were shirtless waiters serving drinks? This Modern Gay Man enjoyed his fair share of cocktails, ensuring that a continuous flow of handsome waiters were kept in close proximity.

The party continued with old school tunes thanks to The Faders  who kept the harbour rocking long after the sun had set. On the The Modern Gay Evaluation Scale this party scored 4.5 rainbows out of 5, in part due to the shirtless waiters but mainly thanks to the mix of good weather, friendly people, tasty drinks and a sexy brand.

To check out Guess’ latest collection click here.

Images by Life Without Andy

Mean Girls, the 2004 comedy written by Tina Fey was so much more than a story about four high school girls, it was a witty and intelligent portrayal of teenage life and the social issues faced by teenagers. Starring Rachael McAdams, Amanda Seyfried and Lacey Chabert, Mean Girls was particularly responsible for launching one certain person into popular culture. And that person was Glen Coco. It also starred Lindsay Lohan.

Surprisingly being a gay man is quite like being a teenage girl in high school and as such we can learn a lot about gay life from Mean Girls.

Here is the list of 5 WAYS THAT MEAN GIRLS IS LIKE GAY LIFE

1. “I’m new. I just moved here from Africa”

Mean Girls is the story of Cady Heron, a young girl starting at a new school and navigating her way through cliques, personalities and the unspoken rules of adolescense. Slightly aware of her own attractiveness, she’s immediately spotted by the popular group and taken under their wing. The popular girls teach her their high school ways and after a while she becomes a fully fledged member, wielding her own manipulative powers. In the end personalities cross, truths are revealed and mayhem ensues.

And so too goes the story of young gay guys entering the gay “scene”. Unknown gay boy leaves the suburbs and moves to the big city. Slightly aware of his twinky good looks he’s immediately adopted by the popular gays who teach him the ways of partying, sex, socialising and cliquey-ness . After a period of intense drama, cheating and backhanded bitchniness the popular group falls apart and the young gay boy, having slept with way too many people returns home or is forced to move to a new city.

2. “Being with the plastics was like being famous… people looked at you all the time and everybody just knew stuff about you”

Just like high school, the gay community can feel quite small and after a while everyone seems to know everybody’s business. There also exists that “popular” group of gay guys, or “scene queens” in gay speak, who everyone knows about. They seem to be perpetually on holiday (somewhere warm) and when they are in town they’re probably drinking cocktails at a fabulous restaurant or lounging in speedos by someone’s pool. Although you don’t know them personally, thanks to social media, you’re kept well updated on all aspects of their social lives.

3. “I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently there’s lots of things that can be wrong on your body”

Have you ever met a gay guy who is 100% content with his appearances? Probably not. Sure he might look like an adonis to you but chances are he hates his body. Whether it’s small calves, an underdeveloped 6-pack or a slightly less defined left arm, apparently there’s a lot of things that can be wrong with gay men’s bodies. No matter how much time is spent in the gym, we’re never content.

4. “On Wednesdays we wear pink”

If you want to fit in with other gay guys then you have to dress like other gay guys. This usually means dressing as “straight” as possible. Any sign of unique style or a shirt that’s slightly too flamboyant and you immediately become unsexable (and sex is the ultimate goal right?). Oh and always remember, in gay clubs we don’t wear tops.

5. “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it”

Halloween for gays is more of an occasion to dress as your ultimate sexual fantasy than it is to  dress in traditional “scary” garb. This is often achieved by taking a mucho sport/profession/superhero such as policeman, footballer, pirate etc and making it as slutty as possible. Some may say that gays dress like total sluts on most Saturday nights but nothing is more slutty than a gay on October 31st. In Sydney there’s even a gay party called “Halloween Whores”.

If you’ve befriended someone on social media who you think is too perfect to be real, you’re probably right. 

It was five hours before my 3,000 word university essay was due and with 2,500 words left to write, I did what any good student would do, I procrastinated. Somehow I had moved from ‘evaluating qualitative methods for marketing research’ to prowling Facebook. While jumping from profile to profile, I stumbled upon the page of a remarkably good looking Australian boy. His profile picture was typical of those used by many gay men –  he was in his speedos, showing off his perfect, tanned body, somewhere close to the beach. Right away I was enamoured by this beautiful specimen of a man whose sexy dark features were more South American than Australian.  The further I clicked through his pictures, the deeper I fell. With thousands of followers, hundreds of picture “likes” and countless complimentary status comments , it was clear that I was not the only one who had been fascinated by this stranger.

Although on face(book) value, his profile seemed legitimate, my intuition told me that something wasn’t right. There were two observations that made me feel uneasy.  Firstly, the friends featured in his pictures all seemed to be of South American appearance which was strange considering that his current location was set to the Gold Coast, an area of Australia known for its blonde haired and blue eyed residents. Secondly, in the background of one of his pictures I noticed a beach which looked very much like Copacabana in Rio.

Having been inspired by the MTV series Catfish, a show which exposes the real people behind fake online profiles, I decided to do my own investigating. I downloaded one of his profile pictures and just like in Catfish, I plugged the picture into a Google Image Search and waited. Immediately hundreds of results appeared. As you can imagine, the images I saw before me did not belong to the so-called Australian but to straight Brazilian model Marcello Alvarez. It was clear that the Facebook profile, with all of its status updates,  pictures and personal details was indeed fake.

Although the individual behind the fake profile may see his actions as harmless entertainment, I feel that this type of deceit is dangerous. Not only is it dangerous for the audience who becomes fascinated by the show of someone else’s life but it’s dangerous for the real person behind the fake profile. Living vicariously through an invented persona achieves nothing in the long run. All those “likes” do not belong to you. All that attention is not directed at you. Where do you hope this will take you? How will it all end now that you’re in so deep?

If Catfish is any indication of the type of people that create these profiles, then typically they all fit a similar mould. They are social recluses from lower socio-economic backgrounds who suffer from self-esteem issues and look nothing like their imagined online personas. Add the pressures faced by young gay men and you can understand why the internet is such an appealing place. The online world gives these types of people the opportunity to live out their fantasies and escape from their real lives.

I always preach the benefits of being true to yourself, so this type of betrayal worries me greatly. However, instead of being enraged by those who abuse Facebook and other social media platforms, we should empathise with them and try understand the reasons behind their actions. Such extreme behaviour and ongoing trickery is a sign of something much deeper than the need for attention.  While I do not condone lying, playing with people’s emotions or eliciting attention through false means, I understand that sometimes the world can be a harsh place from where we need to escape.

Image Credit: Model Florian Van Bael photographed by Philippe Vogelenzang